Love and fear in black and white

I just received this email from my friend Jason Wadowski in the US. I haven't asked him yet, but I hope he doesn't mind me posting this on Illuminated People. Tell him he writes beautifully, here's his address: foreverweakforeverable@yahoo.com

Apparently, I like black people, and white guys want to fight me.

Today has been interesting.At the community center, I've started walking thelittle kids home to their apartments about 4 blocksaway. They are 1st through 3rd graders who are afraidto walk home alone. So I started walking with them,teaching them songs and games that I've picked up fromchildren's ministry here and there (the songs withoutBiblical references however because I'm walking a lotof Muslim kids home; lets just say that Papa Mohamedand Mama Fatuma wouldn't appreciate their kids singing"King Jesus is all."...but i still dont stop the kidswhen one of the Christian kids chimes in with songspicked up at Sunday School) Anyway, walking the kidshome has given me great opportunities to meet theirparents, aunties, and little brothers and sisters whenI take them to their door. One little boy named Hope(who happens to be Christian) has a little sister whomust be about 3 or 4. She is amazingly cute and forsome reason, adores me. The first time I met her sheopened the door for her brother stark naked and wanteda hug from me; the strange smiling white man whowalked her brother home from CommunityCenter...Tonight she greated me with hands full ofjuicy strawberries which she had been gnawing on. Shereached for me to pick her up. I snatched her up andspun her around. With giggles of delight we playedfor a bit. While I was holding her another littlegirl named (United...also a Christian) looks and meand says, "Mr. Jason, you really love black people." I said yes I do, and walked the rest of the kids home. I walked back to the center that night with the sweetreminder of that moment connected to the sweet scentof strawberry juice that still lingered on my coat.

And so we transition from there to the next eventfulhappening of the evening...

The weather was really nice tonight. For the firsttime since I've been here, I got the urge to goskateboarding. Louisville is home to the largest freeoutdoor skate park in the U.S. I've lived here forover 5 months now and still had not been down there. So off I went in my car. I got to experience thebeautiful waterfront scenery at night. I worked myway to the skatepark and it was practically deserted. It was me and a group of 4 guys who were skatingtogether on the opposite end of the park. Perfect. Ihadn't skated since the summer and was a bit rusty. Ienjoyed the quiet solitute in skating alone in a bowl. I took breaks to warm my hands in my hoodie. Afterabout 20 minutes another group of 3 guys arrived. They however were not carrying skateboards and seemedkind of shady. My gut reaction as they were walkingtowards me was that they were thinking of jumpingme...yet I gave them the benefit of the doubt andcontinued to skate with confidence. I figured thatthey were just some kids looking for a cool place tohang out. Where else than a huge skatepark thats open24 hours a day. They walked pass me hurling insultsabout my inabilities, but I just ignored them. Imoved on to an area farther away from them...So theywent up to the other group of skateboarders...who inturn moved to avoid them. They just didnt seemfriendly. They eventually made their way back towardsme and started talking to me. I found out that theywere hopped up on drugs. I was polite, but kept mydistance. I moved away from them again. This dancecontinued for about 30 more minutes. From group togroup the mischevious guys went. Frankly it wasannoying. They were drunk and wouldnt leave us alone. It came down to where we all were bulked in onecorner. The leader of the drunk crowd ended upbumming a smoke from one of the other skaters thereand when the kid went to hand him a cigarette, the guysucker punched him in the face! Friends rush to aidfriends. One of the other drunk guys picks upsomeone's dropped skateboard and heads into thefray...I yell to warn the guys and we all move alittle farther away from the kid with the skateboard(who also informed us that he had a knife...dont tellmy mom). I tried talking the drunk guys down so thatthey'd give the other kid back his skateboard, but allthey wanted was a fight; Just when I think one ofthem is calming down he grips a skateboard like he'sgoing to swing it at me and so i just book it. Thankfully he swung and missed. That would have hurtlike a mother trucker. They ended up breaking theskateboard, and yelling something about the K K K. asthey ran off to their car to drive away (don't ask mewhy). The cops came and chased after them...How do I go from hugging little African kids to almostgetting hit in the face with a skateboard????

How do I remain non-violent in a situation fed byviolence. How can I be a voice for peace when peopledon't want peace?

I'm thankful that I'm not put in those types ofsituations every day. I think about the families Iserve; about the conflicts going on in their homecountries...They did not face threats of skateboards. They faced guns, bombs, and knives.

One thing's for sure. Tonight I feel alive. I havefelt love and fear. I have tried to love in twodifferent situations. And while ultimately, loveconquers all...in the moment, fear and reason seemedto keep me from holding a hand of peace and nonviolent resistance. I wasn't going to be a skateboardmartyr...But i'd like to believe that if it were forthe cause of Christ, at the barrel of a gun I'd havestood my ground.

by Jason Wadowski