Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Your attention please..
This blog is currently on hold at the moment, but i'd love for you to vist ryanwynn.blogspot.com + ryanwynncreative.blogspot.com to see where in the world I'm at and what I am putting my creative energy towards.
Truly, thanks for reading.
Truly, thanks for reading.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Momentous.
I’m realising. (Realise = to make real.)
So sitting in the quiet place in my room, I found myself with my old friend, my guitar. And also, with someone more profound, a friend who’s more profound, while singing, “there’s a secret I must tell..” and in this song I saw myself again. I saw my friend and saviour again.
Honestly in these moments, I feel I’m closer to the image of what and who I really am! And I say ‘am’ because I already am this person and this person is in my sights. In all manner of ways, so much changes when I see like this, when I really see. Down to the details like how, in these moments, my fingers move across my guitar in near-perfect arrangement with my voice. Hairs raised. Heart in the air. Or maybe like how a brand new friendship which really just clicks, naturally.
Okay, so 'amen brother' to these moments, but kudos to the entire overflowing realisation.
One thing, of the many, that I realised, was that this next year will not only be a year progressing in my own perceived plans of growth, but also a full-on time of reclaiming. Involuntarily and voluntarily. Reclaiming my headspace and my breathing space. Reclaiming my capacity to love and receive love. Down to the details.
I am not in a place right now for this next year where I can pick up, for one, my instrument and be an instant wiz. I am far from it. I’ll say that again, I am far from it. I laugh at my inability to do this thing. Whereas, I want to be utterly real, and I’m far from it. I want to absorb every word and every moment, but I’m far from it.
What I have to offer is minimal. My cup feels empty. How to get this all onto paper and try aligning this to what I’m realising is even restricting. And that’s annoying.
But all that aside, here’s to an annoying year! A disturbing and exciting year! I think I’m in the right place to really learn.
Where I have learnt things this year I would not have learnt any other way, coming away from serving in my purpose whole-heartedly, there are things I need to reclaim in my walk, my identity, my victories, my plans.. all towards that purpose even more than before.
I don’t know about the details, but I see the idea. I'll begin to make it real.
So sitting in the quiet place in my room, I found myself with my old friend, my guitar. And also, with someone more profound, a friend who’s more profound, while singing, “there’s a secret I must tell..” and in this song I saw myself again. I saw my friend and saviour again.
Honestly in these moments, I feel I’m closer to the image of what and who I really am! And I say ‘am’ because I already am this person and this person is in my sights. In all manner of ways, so much changes when I see like this, when I really see. Down to the details like how, in these moments, my fingers move across my guitar in near-perfect arrangement with my voice. Hairs raised. Heart in the air. Or maybe like how a brand new friendship which really just clicks, naturally.
Okay, so 'amen brother' to these moments, but kudos to the entire overflowing realisation.
One thing, of the many, that I realised, was that this next year will not only be a year progressing in my own perceived plans of growth, but also a full-on time of reclaiming. Involuntarily and voluntarily. Reclaiming my headspace and my breathing space. Reclaiming my capacity to love and receive love. Down to the details.
I am not in a place right now for this next year where I can pick up, for one, my instrument and be an instant wiz. I am far from it. I’ll say that again, I am far from it. I laugh at my inability to do this thing. Whereas, I want to be utterly real, and I’m far from it. I want to absorb every word and every moment, but I’m far from it.
What I have to offer is minimal. My cup feels empty. How to get this all onto paper and try aligning this to what I’m realising is even restricting. And that’s annoying.
But all that aside, here’s to an annoying year! A disturbing and exciting year! I think I’m in the right place to really learn.
Where I have learnt things this year I would not have learnt any other way, coming away from serving in my purpose whole-heartedly, there are things I need to reclaim in my walk, my identity, my victories, my plans.. all towards that purpose even more than before.
I don’t know about the details, but I see the idea. I'll begin to make it real.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Love and fear in black and white
I just received this email from my friend Jason Wadowski in the US. I haven't asked him yet, but I hope he doesn't mind me posting this on Illuminated People. Tell him he writes beautifully, here's his address: foreverweakforeverable@yahoo.com
Apparently, I like black people, and white guys want to fight me.
Today has been interesting.At the community center, I've started walking thelittle kids home to their apartments about 4 blocksaway. They are 1st through 3rd graders who are afraidto walk home alone. So I started walking with them,teaching them songs and games that I've picked up fromchildren's ministry here and there (the songs withoutBiblical references however because I'm walking a lotof Muslim kids home; lets just say that Papa Mohamedand Mama Fatuma wouldn't appreciate their kids singing"King Jesus is all."...but i still dont stop the kidswhen one of the Christian kids chimes in with songspicked up at Sunday School) Anyway, walking the kidshome has given me great opportunities to meet theirparents, aunties, and little brothers and sisters whenI take them to their door. One little boy named Hope(who happens to be Christian) has a little sister whomust be about 3 or 4. She is amazingly cute and forsome reason, adores me. The first time I met her sheopened the door for her brother stark naked and wanteda hug from me; the strange smiling white man whowalked her brother home from CommunityCenter...Tonight she greated me with hands full ofjuicy strawberries which she had been gnawing on. Shereached for me to pick her up. I snatched her up andspun her around. With giggles of delight we playedfor a bit. While I was holding her another littlegirl named (United...also a Christian) looks and meand says, "Mr. Jason, you really love black people." I said yes I do, and walked the rest of the kids home. I walked back to the center that night with the sweetreminder of that moment connected to the sweet scentof strawberry juice that still lingered on my coat.
And so we transition from there to the next eventfulhappening of the evening...
The weather was really nice tonight. For the firsttime since I've been here, I got the urge to goskateboarding. Louisville is home to the largest freeoutdoor skate park in the U.S. I've lived here forover 5 months now and still had not been down there. So off I went in my car. I got to experience thebeautiful waterfront scenery at night. I worked myway to the skatepark and it was practically deserted. It was me and a group of 4 guys who were skatingtogether on the opposite end of the park. Perfect. Ihadn't skated since the summer and was a bit rusty. Ienjoyed the quiet solitute in skating alone in a bowl. I took breaks to warm my hands in my hoodie. Afterabout 20 minutes another group of 3 guys arrived. They however were not carrying skateboards and seemedkind of shady. My gut reaction as they were walkingtowards me was that they were thinking of jumpingme...yet I gave them the benefit of the doubt andcontinued to skate with confidence. I figured thatthey were just some kids looking for a cool place tohang out. Where else than a huge skatepark thats open24 hours a day. They walked pass me hurling insultsabout my inabilities, but I just ignored them. Imoved on to an area farther away from them...So theywent up to the other group of skateboarders...who inturn moved to avoid them. They just didnt seemfriendly. They eventually made their way back towardsme and started talking to me. I found out that theywere hopped up on drugs. I was polite, but kept mydistance. I moved away from them again. This dancecontinued for about 30 more minutes. From group togroup the mischevious guys went. Frankly it wasannoying. They were drunk and wouldnt leave us alone. It came down to where we all were bulked in onecorner. The leader of the drunk crowd ended upbumming a smoke from one of the other skaters thereand when the kid went to hand him a cigarette, the guysucker punched him in the face! Friends rush to aidfriends. One of the other drunk guys picks upsomeone's dropped skateboard and heads into thefray...I yell to warn the guys and we all move alittle farther away from the kid with the skateboard(who also informed us that he had a knife...dont tellmy mom). I tried talking the drunk guys down so thatthey'd give the other kid back his skateboard, but allthey wanted was a fight; Just when I think one ofthem is calming down he grips a skateboard like he'sgoing to swing it at me and so i just book it. Thankfully he swung and missed. That would have hurtlike a mother trucker. They ended up breaking theskateboard, and yelling something about the K K K. asthey ran off to their car to drive away (don't ask mewhy). The cops came and chased after them...How do I go from hugging little African kids to almostgetting hit in the face with a skateboard????
How do I remain non-violent in a situation fed byviolence. How can I be a voice for peace when peopledon't want peace?
I'm thankful that I'm not put in those types ofsituations every day. I think about the families Iserve; about the conflicts going on in their homecountries...They did not face threats of skateboards. They faced guns, bombs, and knives.
One thing's for sure. Tonight I feel alive. I havefelt love and fear. I have tried to love in twodifferent situations. And while ultimately, loveconquers all...in the moment, fear and reason seemedto keep me from holding a hand of peace and nonviolent resistance. I wasn't going to be a skateboardmartyr...But i'd like to believe that if it were forthe cause of Christ, at the barrel of a gun I'd havestood my ground.
by Jason Wadowski
Apparently, I like black people, and white guys want to fight me.
Today has been interesting.At the community center, I've started walking thelittle kids home to their apartments about 4 blocksaway. They are 1st through 3rd graders who are afraidto walk home alone. So I started walking with them,teaching them songs and games that I've picked up fromchildren's ministry here and there (the songs withoutBiblical references however because I'm walking a lotof Muslim kids home; lets just say that Papa Mohamedand Mama Fatuma wouldn't appreciate their kids singing"King Jesus is all."...but i still dont stop the kidswhen one of the Christian kids chimes in with songspicked up at Sunday School) Anyway, walking the kidshome has given me great opportunities to meet theirparents, aunties, and little brothers and sisters whenI take them to their door. One little boy named Hope(who happens to be Christian) has a little sister whomust be about 3 or 4. She is amazingly cute and forsome reason, adores me. The first time I met her sheopened the door for her brother stark naked and wanteda hug from me; the strange smiling white man whowalked her brother home from CommunityCenter...Tonight she greated me with hands full ofjuicy strawberries which she had been gnawing on. Shereached for me to pick her up. I snatched her up andspun her around. With giggles of delight we playedfor a bit. While I was holding her another littlegirl named (United...also a Christian) looks and meand says, "Mr. Jason, you really love black people." I said yes I do, and walked the rest of the kids home. I walked back to the center that night with the sweetreminder of that moment connected to the sweet scentof strawberry juice that still lingered on my coat.
And so we transition from there to the next eventfulhappening of the evening...
The weather was really nice tonight. For the firsttime since I've been here, I got the urge to goskateboarding. Louisville is home to the largest freeoutdoor skate park in the U.S. I've lived here forover 5 months now and still had not been down there. So off I went in my car. I got to experience thebeautiful waterfront scenery at night. I worked myway to the skatepark and it was practically deserted. It was me and a group of 4 guys who were skatingtogether on the opposite end of the park. Perfect. Ihadn't skated since the summer and was a bit rusty. Ienjoyed the quiet solitute in skating alone in a bowl. I took breaks to warm my hands in my hoodie. Afterabout 20 minutes another group of 3 guys arrived. They however were not carrying skateboards and seemedkind of shady. My gut reaction as they were walkingtowards me was that they were thinking of jumpingme...yet I gave them the benefit of the doubt andcontinued to skate with confidence. I figured thatthey were just some kids looking for a cool place tohang out. Where else than a huge skatepark thats open24 hours a day. They walked pass me hurling insultsabout my inabilities, but I just ignored them. Imoved on to an area farther away from them...So theywent up to the other group of skateboarders...who inturn moved to avoid them. They just didnt seemfriendly. They eventually made their way back towardsme and started talking to me. I found out that theywere hopped up on drugs. I was polite, but kept mydistance. I moved away from them again. This dancecontinued for about 30 more minutes. From group togroup the mischevious guys went. Frankly it wasannoying. They were drunk and wouldnt leave us alone. It came down to where we all were bulked in onecorner. The leader of the drunk crowd ended upbumming a smoke from one of the other skaters thereand when the kid went to hand him a cigarette, the guysucker punched him in the face! Friends rush to aidfriends. One of the other drunk guys picks upsomeone's dropped skateboard and heads into thefray...I yell to warn the guys and we all move alittle farther away from the kid with the skateboard(who also informed us that he had a knife...dont tellmy mom). I tried talking the drunk guys down so thatthey'd give the other kid back his skateboard, but allthey wanted was a fight; Just when I think one ofthem is calming down he grips a skateboard like he'sgoing to swing it at me and so i just book it. Thankfully he swung and missed. That would have hurtlike a mother trucker. They ended up breaking theskateboard, and yelling something about the K K K. asthey ran off to their car to drive away (don't ask mewhy). The cops came and chased after them...How do I go from hugging little African kids to almostgetting hit in the face with a skateboard????
How do I remain non-violent in a situation fed byviolence. How can I be a voice for peace when peopledon't want peace?
I'm thankful that I'm not put in those types ofsituations every day. I think about the families Iserve; about the conflicts going on in their homecountries...They did not face threats of skateboards. They faced guns, bombs, and knives.
One thing's for sure. Tonight I feel alive. I havefelt love and fear. I have tried to love in twodifferent situations. And while ultimately, loveconquers all...in the moment, fear and reason seemedto keep me from holding a hand of peace and nonviolent resistance. I wasn't going to be a skateboardmartyr...But i'd like to believe that if it were forthe cause of Christ, at the barrel of a gun I'd havestood my ground.
by Jason Wadowski
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Wonder
"All my hopes and dreams inside, visions lurk behind my eyes. Something new behind it grows and You smile as my heart knows. To be another still with You, I'm the one that loved You through. But i'm still nothing next to You. I'm still nothing next to You. What I've seen and where I've been, what's breaking out and breaking in. Who I love and I despise - melting into comprimise. How I've changed and How I've learned, becoming less becoming more. And I'm still nothing next to You. I'm still nothing without You.
The sickness my mind's battled long. The center of my every song. The beauty of my voice it fades into a spiritual cascade. Flowing from Your perfect smile, I've avoided all the while. But i'm still nothing next to You. I'm still nothing next to You. All the future seems unclear, never moving never near. But You hold me as I scream, wake me from my wicked dream. Something out there waits for me, hand in hand we wait for it. But I'm still nothing next to You. I'm still nothing without You.
And the wonder of it all is i'm still standing. And the wonder of it all is we're still standing. Never planned it. And I wonder... where I'll be next year.
Will You stand right next to me? Will You hold me faithfully? Should I question all these things? What makes me so deserving of something that I've thrown away, coming back for me today. When I'm still nothing next to You. I'm still nothing next to You. Hearts are broken just to mend. When will my brokeness end? Lending my mind to dreams it seems, some things are never meant to be. But faith it lingers as I die. Inside surrendering i cry. I'm still nothing next to You. I'm still nothing without You.
Time is a broken dream. Time is an endless change. Time is an offering. Time has an endless sting. Time has a world to bring. Time, it's a broken dream, mended while lovers sing.
And the wonder of it all is I'm still standing. And the wonder of it all is we're still standing. Never planned it. And I wonder, where I'll be."
[Song by Monday Morning 'And the wonder of it all'.]
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Next move
I cannot decide on this Lord. If you invite my soul to be rest-assured in you about australia or here, will you please tell me where you want me to go? I want YOUR 1st choice. but if i go on my own accord... go with me? Either way, i will never be the same. Either way, i know that you're alive. My life was once broken, now i live to glorify your holy name jesus christ.
Beyond myself, may your fire fall down on us. As we seek you, show us your heart, show us your way, show us your glory.
+
There's an unfortunate perception about Hillsong from a minority here. (And i say perception cos it's not Hillsongs fault.) It's how people receive Them. Well-meaning or not. They may be more structured, for lack of better words, but their personality and struggle comes through in their passion in the songs... IF you listen. There is individuality in their singing esp amongst the annointed, prayed-up leaders.
So many of us south african christians don't embrace our individuality. Our heritage. Our culture. We either copy other successful churches' styles OR we refuse to be inspired and motivated by them (our brothers and sisters in Christ). So maybe that's what's missing: A revolutionary individualistic happening amongst the community and local church here in Durban, South Africa. The songs and the blessing of the spirit and truth that comes out of the songs is an overflow of that occurence. That is why when we do things on our own strivings, we do the job half as powerfully as God would have it done. It's the same with everything. Anyone can sing another persons song. But what song is being sung in the lives and life of the Church? Our church? If none, we're just singing songs as best we can.
Quenching the spirit isn't cool.
So may we not be in captivity in that place, no matter what we're singing. May we explode into the people Christ see's us to become. I want to find my own God-directed identity, wherever I go. Whatever and whoever'ss songs I sing.
Beyond myself, may your fire fall down on us. As we seek you, show us your heart, show us your way, show us your glory.
+
There's an unfortunate perception about Hillsong from a minority here. (And i say perception cos it's not Hillsongs fault.) It's how people receive Them. Well-meaning or not. They may be more structured, for lack of better words, but their personality and struggle comes through in their passion in the songs... IF you listen. There is individuality in their singing esp amongst the annointed, prayed-up leaders.
So many of us south african christians don't embrace our individuality. Our heritage. Our culture. We either copy other successful churches' styles OR we refuse to be inspired and motivated by them (our brothers and sisters in Christ). So maybe that's what's missing: A revolutionary individualistic happening amongst the community and local church here in Durban, South Africa. The songs and the blessing of the spirit and truth that comes out of the songs is an overflow of that occurence. That is why when we do things on our own strivings, we do the job half as powerfully as God would have it done. It's the same with everything. Anyone can sing another persons song. But what song is being sung in the lives and life of the Church? Our church? If none, we're just singing songs as best we can.
Quenching the spirit isn't cool.
So may we not be in captivity in that place, no matter what we're singing. May we explode into the people Christ see's us to become. I want to find my own God-directed identity, wherever I go. Whatever and whoever'ss songs I sing.
